..::ramblings::..

Saturday, August 21, 2004

11:12AM - things that make you go... SHIT!!

yes children, it has happened the infamous A. C. has come out of hibernation for an extremely brief moment in time to share the arguous lamentations that are plaguing him as of recent. well, first there is this re-occuring dream that i have where i am this big, rich, successfull, rock star that travels around the country mingling with the masses, and all of my ex-girlfriends come out to see my shows with thier whole families, and somehow, i end up hooking up randomly with one of their siblings, which is rather bizzare, considering i don't think that would ever happen in my lifetime (the sibling thing, not the rock star thing*clarification*). then there is this big reunion after the show, at which there is this long akward sileence as i walk in the door with the sibling under my arm and laughing. everyone looks at me like i'm some kind of serial pudding thief, and then after a second, eveyone's unusually cool with the whole thing, including my ex, which is something else that would never happen in my lifetime. after that we all leave for the beach and manage to make it there in less than five minutes (even if we're in like colorado or something), and we're magically already clad in swimming attire by the time we get there... hmmmmm. shortly after that, the whole fiasco ends and i wake up, most of the time late for something.

okay, back to reality. things in the real world aren't exactly less confusing. i've made my aquaintence with a guy named D. J. who is deaf, so i am intermittantly learning American Sign Langaue during the nights we indulge in drunken debotchery with the rest of the common-folk, which is pretty cool, considering i've been trying to take an ASL class for like 3 years.

down to the real dilemma: the other night i was out with my quazi-girl-friend-thing and some of her friends, and some of her friends friends. well in the mix i started talking to probably the most beautiful girl i have ever met in my entire life who's name is whitney. we start talking music and sign langauge (which she knows, though not deaf, and which i'm starting to pickup as of recent), and as i'm conversing with her i realize that i'm starting to become seriously interested her, and i'm getting the same vibe back from her. my deaf friend D. J. signs to me while she is away that she is there with her boyfriend that she's been with for like three years or something, which really confuses me, cause this girl is flirting with me hard core. she gives me her # and goes on about how she is so thrilled that she met me and she can't wait to hear from me soon so we can get together, and gave an ever so overly-friendly hug considering we just met. all the while, she never once metioned the putz of a boyfriend that was supposed to be at the bar with her. after we left, i felt like dan after the first time he came down to indy. well, i guess you had to be there.

further complication: whitney is friends with this guy craig who is april's (my sorta-girl-friend-thing) co-worker, and craig also happens to have a serious thing for april, so in short there is no easy way to approach this situation. this all kinda sank in as i was laying in my bed later on that night fighting to sleep and failing miserably, because i can't stop thinking about all of this shit.

FUCK!!!!!!!

any suggestions????? comments????? advice????? questions?????? anything??????

help??

call me?

something?

-A. C.

Current mood:

recumbent

Current music: in da club by Avril Lavigne (down 'n dirty RMX)

(2 emo kids | insert thoughts here)

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

4:12AM - what if size is fine?

i'm not entirely sure what that subject means. i was going to type something entirely different, but when i typed what, that auotmatically popped up, so i just went with it. girls are such strange creatures. they get entiely too worked up over the stupiest shit. a freind of mine has decided she no longer wants to be my freind because last week i managed to acquire a girlfriend. you'd think she'd be happy for me, but no. can't do that. i guess she has feelings for me.why didn't you say so before? why is it that when you are single, noone wants you, but as soon as you're taken, people come out of the woodwork and tell you they've had a thing for you for the longest time. that's just bullshit in my professional opinion. i know i'm bitching but you'll get over it. anyways yes i have a girlfriend, and she is a wonderful girl. yes i know rosie still has to approve of her, but i have no doubt she will. i'm still working on getting over that whole trusting a girl thing, though. that still kinda scares me. they are some scandelous little things, and quite frankly, i don't like it. but i like girls, go figure. anyways, have to do more homework, so peace out.

sometimes good things come in little monkey-shaped packages.

Current mood:

working

Current music: kung fu fighting by brave saint saturn

(insert thoughts here)

Sunday, January 25, 2004

5:46PM - apathy is not as comforting as it seems

everyone has experiences where they feel the entire world is crashing down on them and they reach out trying to grasp that last little bit of hope, because the bravest thing of all is always hope, right? well what does one do when that hope is tossed off a 74 story building and shattered into thousands of tiny pieces that are then demolished further by the passing traffic until it is obliterated to a residual powder that is carried off by the harsh, cold wind into several billions of directions never to be seen again. everyone has those times, right? not me. that is until now.

some would consider this emo at it's finest, well fuck all of that. i'm not even in the mood for all that shit. everyone says everything happens for a reason. well i'd sure like to know what the fuck that reason is, because this shit is killing me.i feel like writing, sorry.

i watched the stars in your eyes die
quilted in your medicated dream that you call life
i used to look to those stars for comfort
when i felt all else had failed
well now they've failed
and i'm left with the resin coated shell
it spues out incoherant blatherings about love lost
love is not lost, you're simply looking in all of the wrong places

you said "you don't know how much it hurts to love someone and know that they don't love you in return!" and i replied "yes i do, i love you."

then came the long akward silence where the only sound that can be heard is that of a bearly beating heart inside my chest that awaited your retort. hoping, wishing, praying that it would be three little words, even four, but not two.

two... two... why two?

"i'm sorry" was not even supposed to be an option in this.
the anticipation was there for years to be in that place
with you and all the right tools and share that time
but plans were thwarted with one mistake... caring

you said you were emotionaly crippled and that eventhough you knew my heart
there was nothing that could be done
nothing?
no

and on the way home, my ever early departure
the seat was stained with too many misplaced tears
tears that were only supposed to be because i missed you
or tears of joy shead for the fulfilment of that long awaited time
but that was not the case
no

in a letter you will never read
the pieces of a shattered me
long to go back to the time
when you were "always and forever" mine
writing these mispoken words
with feelings seen but never heard
by the one that i desire most
in that small town by the coast
will she recoil that haunting ghost
and set... me... free?...

no.

Current mood:

crushed

Current music: Ever Loathing Loving You by: sitting litmus(me)

(1 emo kid | insert thoughts here)

Thursday, January 15, 2004

2:50PM - is "bugger-off" really a cuss word?

i guess i got woken up last night by my friends annie and jen when they came over to my house and jumped into my bed with me, but i responded to them very harshly by yelling at them and told them to leave, sorry guys. i hjonestly don't remember this at all, but they both say it happened. odd how those sort of things work, huh?if i had a million dollars i would buy a happy-meal for me and my cat skippy.

zip it up and zip it out,

-a

Current mood:

thirsty

Current music: come as you are by nelly (the dance remix)

(insert thoughts here)

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

8:00PM - headaches suck donkey balls

i had an icredibly long day. it started at about 5 a.m. that sucks in itself. i'm not used to getting up that early. staying up that late, not a problem , but getting up that early, not something i usually do. i just couldn't sleep, and what little sleep i did get was filled with very strange dreams about some guy trying to sell me this club where it was always spring break and there was naked drunk people running around everywhere; very wierd. hey at least i wasn't the sixth member of voltron this time(the tail at that), that dream always freaks me out. anyways. i think i need to figure out a way to just fly to school, because i drove around for two hours today trying to find a parking space, and consequently ended up missing the entirety of my first class because of it. finally i just said screw it and parked in the administration lot, ballsy i know, but hey desperate times, right? and no ticket *smile* oh the joys of driving a cop-car *oink* the carrs do an excellent cover of everybody hurts by rem, and youy should check it out. i don't know who taking back sunday is, and that prolly makes me a horrible person, but right now i don't really give a fuck. just felt i'd share. i think i've blathered on for quite long enough now, at least long enough to make my rosie happy *hello to you and all the kids in and around "THE D"

Current mood:

drained

Current music: one week by santana (ft. chad kroeger)

(insert thoughts here)

Friday, January 9, 2004

11:32AM - i'm new at this

GO FIGURE IT'S 11:30 AM AND I'M STILL UP FROM LAST NIGHT SHOCK SHOCK. tired and typing in caps sorry,i'm a dork. rosie is here in N.A.P. thatz fantabulous. we're going to go see Reese and Jeff (the girl)tonight at this poetry thing yeah!speaking of which i need to remember to call him.(don't forget) all's well in crazy emo land. i need to place an add in the paper. it should read: girlfriend needed, must be able to break my heart. i need some new material for my upcoming album(i only wish)please fax resume to office. yes i'm still a dork.

bye.

-A

Current mood:

dorky